Co-Regulation: How Parents Can Support Children’s Emotional and Behavioral Health

Big feelings are part of being human—especially for children. Yet kids don’t have the brain development or nervous system maturity to calm themselves on their own.

That’s where co-regulation comes in.

Co-regulation is the process through which caregivers help children manage emotions, stress, and behavior through warm, responsive, and attuned interactions.

Before children can self-regulate independently, they borrow regulation from the adults around them. Through repeated experiences of feeling supported, understood, and safe, children gradually build the internal skills needed for emotional balance.

Research continues to show that strong parent–child co-regulation plays a powerful role in children’s emotional resilience, mental health, and behavioral well-being.

What Is Co-Regulation?

Co-regulation is a moment-to-moment, relational process between a caregiver and child. Instead of trying to control emotions or shut them down, adults offer calm presence, empathy, and structure that help children feel safe enough to regulate (Lobo & Lunkenheimer, 2020; Verhagen et al., 2024).

When children experience consistent co-regulation, they are more likely to develop healthier emotional awareness, fewer behavior challenges, and more adaptive stress responses over time (Armstrong-Carter & Sulik, 2021).

Simply put: children learn regulation through relationship.

Five Evidence-Based Co-Regulation Strategies for Parents

1. Lead With a Calm, Regulated Presence

Children’s nervous systems are highly responsive to the adults around them. When parents slow their breathing, soften their voice, and remain grounded during moments of distress, children’s bodies naturally begin to settle.

Research shows that a parent’s ability to regulate their own emotions directly supports a child’s recovery from stress (Erdmann & Hertel, 2019).

Try this: Pause before responding, lower your tone, and take a slow breath before engaging during a meltdown.

2. Name and Validate Emotions

Helping children put words to feelings supports emotional awareness and reduces long-term behavior struggles. Statements like “You’re feeling really frustrated right now” help children make sense of what’s happening inside their bodies.

Emotion labeling during co-regulation is linked to fewer anxiety symptoms and behavior challenges over time (Guo et al., 2021).

Important reminder: Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with the behavior—it means acknowledging the feeling behind it.

3. Offer Physical Co-Regulation When Needed

For many children—especially younger ones—physical closeness is deeply regulating. A hug, sitting nearby, or gentle touch can lower stress hormones and help children return to calm more quickly.

Research shows that physical co-regulation supports emotional recovery and reduces stress reactivity in young children (Doiron et al., 2022).

Try this: Sit next to your child during distress rather than sending them away to “calm down alone.” Take deep breaths near them instead of prompting them to take breaths.

4. Scaffold Problem-Solving After Calm Returns

Once emotions settle, children are more able to think, reflect, and learn. This is the moment to gently guide problem-solving instead of imposing solutions.

Scaffolding problem-solving supports the transition from co-regulation to self-regulation and strengthens executive functioning skills (Adegboye, 2021).

Try asking: “What does your body need right now?”

5. Stay Consistent and Predictable

Consistency builds safety. When children know what to expect from caregivers—especially during emotional moments—their nervous systems feel more secure, and emotional outbursts tend to decrease over time.

Inconsistent or harsh responses are linked to higher stress and behavior challenges, while predictable, supportive responses foster resilience (Mesli, 2025).

Gentle truth: You don’t have to be perfect. Repairing moments of disconnection matters more than getting it right!

Why Co-Regulation Matters for Mental and Behavioral Health

Children who experience supportive co-regulation benefit in powerful ways:

• Stronger emotional regulation, including frustration tolerance and stress recovery (Lobo & Lunkenheimer, 2020)

• Reduced anxiety and withdrawal, particularly in early childhood (Guo et al., 2021)

• Fewer behavioral challenges, such as aggression and impulsivity (Verhagen et al., 2024)

• Healthier stress physiology, including improved cortisol and heart-rate regulation (Armstrong-Carter & Sulik, 2021)

• Long-term self-regulation skills, forming the foundation for emotional resilience and coping (Erdmann & Hertel, 2019)

  
  

A Final Thought

Co-regulation isn’t permissive, passive, or “letting kids get away with things.” It’s an active, science-backed approach that teaches emotional regulation through safety, connection, and trust.

When parents stay calm, validate emotions, offer connection, and guide problem-solving, they’re not just managing behavior in the moment—they’re building lifelong skills that protect children’s mental health.

At Calming Communities, we believe that regulated adults create regulated children—and that connection is the most powerful tool we have.

Disclaimer

This article was written by Robyn Reyna with the assistance of AI to pull resources, edit language and style.

References

Adegboye, O. (2021). The dynamics of self- and co-regulation in children with emerging emotional and behavioural difficulties (Doctoral dissertation, Cardiff University). Cardiff University ORCA Repository. https://orca.cardiff.ac.uk/id/eprint/141606/

Armstrong-Carter, E., & Sulik, M. J. (2021). Self-regulated behavior and parent–child co-regulation are associated with young children’s physiological response to receiving critical adult feedback. Social Development, 30(4), 1200–1216. https://doi.org/10.1111/sode.12498 https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED661536.pdf

Doiron, K. M., Stack, D. M., Dickson, D. J., & Bouchard, S. (2022). Co-regulation and parenting stress over time in full-term, very low birthweight preterm, and psychosocially at-risk infant–mother dyads: Implications for fostering regulation. Infant Behavior and Development, 68, 101720. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0163638322000455

Erdmann, K. A., & Hertel, S. (2019). Self-regulation and co-regulation in early childhood: Development, assessment and supporting factors. Journal of Psychologists and Counsellors in Schools, 29(1), 1–15. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11409-019-09211-w

Guo, Y., Spieker, S. J., & Borelli, J. L. (2021). Emotion co-regulation among mother–preschooler dyads completing the strange situation: Relations to internalizing and externalizing symptoms. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 30(2), 389–401. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-020-01812-3

Lobo, F. M., & Lunkenheimer, E. (2020). Understanding the parent–child co-regulation patterns shaping child self-regulation. Developmental Psychology, 56(5), 874–887. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2020-26613-001

Mesli, N. (2025). Exploring mother–child co-regulation across interaction contexts in at-risk mother–child dyads: Associations and predictions to child externalizing behavior (Master’s thesis, Concordia University). Spectrum Research Repository. https://spectrum.library.concordia.ca/id/eprint/996288/

Verhagen, C., Boekhorst, M. G. B. M., & Kupper, N. (2024). Coregulation between parents and elementary school-aged children in response to challenge and in association with child outcomes: A systematic review. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 70(1), 1–34. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2025-40135-001